Park Medical Research

A blog post detailing the author’s personal story of overcoming medical obstacles through fashion (Photo by Katie Park)

Beneath my skin and layers of muscle comprising my back is a metal rod holding up my spine. I, quite literally, possess a steel backbone. I was twelve when I was diagnosed with extreme thoracic scoliosis with a 50-degree curve and thirteen when I underwent spinal fusion surgery. As my young teenage self stared into the mirror, all she saw was an awkward posture and collapsed confidence. My self-worth was deteriorating and my hope diminishing. The only thing that was able to ease my pain and rebuild my confidence was fashion.

I was convinced Pinterest is the best thing ever to be invented; As I sat straight up in my bed still nauseous from medications, I felt my spirits begin to rise as I created boards and pinned images all consisting of aesthetic outfits. I began picturing my scoliosis-free life wearing outfits that resembled myself without worrying about uneven shoulders and poor posture. As I perused online stores and websites, I decided that buying new clothes would be the first step in elevating my fashion. I thanked my mother’s credit card as I happily purchased a cart full of items from Hollister.

As I got older, so did my clothes. I was constantly dreaming of a new wardrobe that perfectly fit my ideal style. I was a bit insecure about showing my back, though. There was a big, bruised scar in the middle of my spine and I hated showing it. I avoided clothes that revealed it, opting for T-shirts instead of low-backed floral blouses. But, one can only go so far with T-shirts. 

In the summer before my sophomore year of high school, I traveled to Taiwan with my grandparents and accompanied my grandmother to a sewing class. I examined the fabric options, choosing a brown plaid pattern for my project. After multiple attempts at threading the needle and consistently forming white knots of string, I eventually created a representation of what might be a bucket hat. I was ecstatic; I had successfully fabricated a creation (although mediocre) out of mere sheets of fabric. My sewing creations did not stop there. Over the course of my summer in Taiwan, I successfully sewed a teddy bear, a pencil case, and a handbag. I enjoyed the endless possibilities of creation, transforming an article of cloth into something much more than its original state. 

A couple months before sophomore homecoming, I decided that I would make my homecoming dress. I was a bit hesitant at first. Up until that point, I only knew how to make simple accessories. As I started the procedure of cutting blue satin fabric and pinning the pieces together, I found myself enjoying the process. My liberty in artistic choice gave me a sense of purpose and direction, allowing me to create anything and everything my mind desired. I did not follow any YouTube videos or online tutorials, I simply thought and created.The outcome was a short, flowy dress, light pink with an underskirt of a layer of tulle and lace– produced from my mother’s old curtains. I was overjoyed as my friends complimented my masterpiece, proud of my unexpected talent as a seamstress. 

And of course, I made sure the back of my dress covered up my scar, high enough to hide the majority of the cruel sight while using my hair to cover up the rest. I was constantly fixated on hiding my imperfection, using multiple scar creams and ointments to wash my past away. I would put my hair down at pool parties despite the scorching heat, all to avoid questions about the line on my back. It was tiresome at first, telling my friends about my story as they inconspicuously caught a sight of it. Until I realized that maybe, my scar isn’t so bad. 

I am currently a rising senior in high school. Although my back scar is still visible, I’ve grown to embrace it. All those years of hiding myself pushed me towards concealing a part of my identity. As someone who was lucky enough to overcome scoliosis, I am happy to say that my medical condition does not define me, but serves as a reminder that I am capable of facing adversity. 

I hope to be a surgeon in the future, utilizing my ambition and creativity to enhance the lives of patients. 

My medical background has taught me persistence and determination, and my niche hobby of sewing dresses gave me the foundational skills of suturing. Similar to transforming scraps of fabric into clothes, I hope to channel my craftsmanship in not only treating the wounds of patients, but also to develop a sense of transformation within them, physically and mentally. 

Fashion designing allows me to express my mind, and has helped me through many challenging times in my life. I love relishing the freedom and liberalization sewing provides me, creating new and complex creations that solely originate from my mind. 

This summer, I am starting to make my senior prom dress. However, It won’t be like my sophomore year homecoming one. It will consist of lace, ruffles, and a low back, showcasing my once-hidden-now-embraced scar.